The Rich and the Amazon

I have come to understand why rich people get other, less wealthy people to do things for them. This epiphany came to me last week when I mentally shut down for a couple of days. After hearing from my wife, several times, that I needed to do the laundry and wash dishes or just clean the house I said to myself , “Self…there’s got be someone out there to do these kinds of things for me.” And I promptly answered, “There are. You just can’t afford them.” I then told myself to “get bent,” and after a couple minutes of arguing I apologized and we were both okay.

So I didn’t do a damn thing all week. Sue me. Working ten hours a day sucks and after awhile you just want to veg-out on the couch when you get home. I haven’t been able to even play golf for a couple of weeks. Hitting a little ball for hundreds of yards toward a little hole really does let you vent some steam and keeps some people from entering a DMV with a bow and arrow and taking hostages. (I live in Tennessee and some people can’t afford high-powered rifles or machine guns you rich bastards) I have attempted to write, but find myself mindlessly playing Spider Solitaire for hours instead. (When I win the next game I’ll quit and write….three hours later…when I win the next game I’ll quit and write)

My yard needs mowing like Hollywood needs to put out some good movies. (Desperately) I walked to the mailbox yesterday and stumbled upon a community of yard gnomes that had begun a rudimentary civilization in the corner of my lawn. I took this as a sign that I needed to fire up the Craftsman and get the grass low enough so that I can at least see the road. I can’t even tell who is pulling into my driveway anymore. My dog Al looks at me like I am crazy every time I let him into the backyard. He looks at me with those big brown eyes that say, “Dad…if I some jungle creature gets me and I don’t come back…it’s your fault.”

With all this to do, I find it even harder to write. While mowing the yard and washing dishes takes physical will, writing takes mental will that I have lacked for the last week. I had just wrung the rag dry and needed to get it wet again. (Innuendo given free of charge) So I will brave the jungle of my yard today and try to tame it enough to look presentable. Until I am rich enough to pay people to do it for me it remains my responsibility to keep it from the Amazonian quality that it is at this moment. If I don’t write again you will know that I have been taken hostage by a tribe of gnomes and that my mowing days are over.