With Friends Like These...
In the last two months I have had an influx of friends who have come to visit me, and I am feeling very grateful to have such an assortment of wacky characters to further deepen my psychosis and provide me with enough witty banter to rekindle my desire to capture comedy in print form.
My two previous blogs outlined the shenanigans (who uses the word shenanigans…really?) that John and I shared on Memorial weekend and the weekend among the hippies with my friend Rob. Having both of them come and visit has kept me on my toes, and proven to me that the troubles of women, work, and dealing daily with stupid people are not just confined to me, but shared equally among the Beta Males. (Note: to understand this reference and to gain the concept of the Beta Male then you need to pick up a copy of Christopher Moore’s new book A Dirty Job. If you have not purchased it already then do so. Go ahead...I’ll wait.
Okay, now that you have purchased the copy go ahead and read it. It’s okay, I got time.
Here’s some pictures for those of you who have read it already to pass the time.
Here's Rob's first tattoo that he got while back in the States. Someday maybe he'll have as many as me.
Done with the book? Okay now on with the narrative) Gaining perspective is a valuable commodity, and with my friends visiting I feel not so alone when it comes to dealing with the bullshit of daily life.
I was also visited by my good buddy Al, who is always good for conversations (and a two or three loads of laundry). My dog got to come visit me this month, and since my wife got him in the separation I have had very limited opportunities to share insightful conversations with him like I used to (see A Talk with Al). One such conversation that we had while he was visiting and we were on a late night walk went something like this.
Me: “Al, what is it about this country that causes us to be blind to the fact that a two party system is old and outdated, and just leads to the same type of politicians getting elected whether they claim to be on the Right or the Left?”
Al: “What’s that? It smells like…trash. Sniff, sniff…it is trash! Dad, look at this! Trash, right here on the street where anyone can smell it.!”
Me: “Trying to choose a politician that you like and can believe in is like trying to find a woman who doesn’t have more baggage than JFK airport.”
Al: “Man, I got to use the bathroom…but there’s so much to sniff. What’s this…another dog smell! And what’s this…grass! It’s grass, dad!”
Me: “Yup, without thumbs you can’t really vote, and that visit to the doctor’s office when you were a puppy took care of the whole woman thing for you. You got it made when it comes to the tough decisions.”
Al: “Yeah, you wish. Have you ever tried finding a place to take a dump in front of God and everyone?”
Me: “Come on buddy. Do your business so we can go inside. Jon Stewart is on in a little while.”
Al: (mumbling) “Have me fixed when I was young…I’ll show you. We’re sniffing this entire neighborhood before we go in. See how you like that, dad.”
Yes, Al is a master at listening to me spew out my troubles and is kind enough to give me slobbery kisses despite my shortcomings and ramblings. What a good friend.
This month has also seen the arrival of a new friend, Gary. Gary doesn’t talk much, but he is great listener. He is always fashionable, and is on the forefront of what’s hot when it comes to clothes. (Gary’s a mannequin, but don’t say anything around him. He is very sensitive on the subject and prefers the term Plastic American) Gary has a cushy job right now where he stands in front of a motorcycle clothing store in a neighboring town. Every time I roll through I stop and say hi. Here’s an example of a conversation that we had recently.
Me: “Hey Gary, what’s happening?”
Gary: “..........”
Me: “Yeah, you’re right.”
Gary: “..........”
Me: “I can see your point, but despite the apparent job growth in the country we are still headed down the road to a service economy where jobs pay less. This, in turn, lowers the per-capita spending so that even though it looks like the economy is growing with the creation of new jobs the average American can’t afford to spend large amounts of money on tourism and luxury items. These are two of the areas where America has flourished in the past, and with the diminishment of such wonton spending, and the average Joe being more frugal so that they can afford to buy gasoline, in juxtaposition with the boundless spending of tax dollars by the government to fund wars and fences…well I see an economic reckoning coming on the horizon.”
Gary: ".........."
Me: “Well, if you want to smoke I can always drill a hole in your hand so you can hold a cigarette.”
Gary: “....................”
Me: “No! I did not call you that. I would never use the ‘m’ word.”
Gary: “......”
Me: “Yeah, I’m gonna go now. You’re acting all weird.”
(Gary refused to be photographed for this blog)
My two previous blogs outlined the shenanigans (who uses the word shenanigans…really?) that John and I shared on Memorial weekend and the weekend among the hippies with my friend Rob. Having both of them come and visit has kept me on my toes, and proven to me that the troubles of women, work, and dealing daily with stupid people are not just confined to me, but shared equally among the Beta Males. (Note: to understand this reference and to gain the concept of the Beta Male then you need to pick up a copy of Christopher Moore’s new book A Dirty Job. If you have not purchased it already then do so. Go ahead...I’ll wait.
Okay, now that you have purchased the copy go ahead and read it. It’s okay, I got time.
Here’s some pictures for those of you who have read it already to pass the time.
Here's Rob's first tattoo that he got while back in the States. Someday maybe he'll have as many as me.
Done with the book? Okay now on with the narrative) Gaining perspective is a valuable commodity, and with my friends visiting I feel not so alone when it comes to dealing with the bullshit of daily life.
I was also visited by my good buddy Al, who is always good for conversations (and a two or three loads of laundry). My dog got to come visit me this month, and since my wife got him in the separation I have had very limited opportunities to share insightful conversations with him like I used to (see A Talk with Al). One such conversation that we had while he was visiting and we were on a late night walk went something like this.
Me: “Al, what is it about this country that causes us to be blind to the fact that a two party system is old and outdated, and just leads to the same type of politicians getting elected whether they claim to be on the Right or the Left?”
Al: “What’s that? It smells like…trash. Sniff, sniff…it is trash! Dad, look at this! Trash, right here on the street where anyone can smell it.!”
Me: “Trying to choose a politician that you like and can believe in is like trying to find a woman who doesn’t have more baggage than JFK airport.”
Al: “Man, I got to use the bathroom…but there’s so much to sniff. What’s this…another dog smell! And what’s this…grass! It’s grass, dad!”
Me: “Yup, without thumbs you can’t really vote, and that visit to the doctor’s office when you were a puppy took care of the whole woman thing for you. You got it made when it comes to the tough decisions.”
Al: “Yeah, you wish. Have you ever tried finding a place to take a dump in front of God and everyone?”
Me: “Come on buddy. Do your business so we can go inside. Jon Stewart is on in a little while.”
Al: (mumbling) “Have me fixed when I was young…I’ll show you. We’re sniffing this entire neighborhood before we go in. See how you like that, dad.”
Yes, Al is a master at listening to me spew out my troubles and is kind enough to give me slobbery kisses despite my shortcomings and ramblings. What a good friend.
This month has also seen the arrival of a new friend, Gary. Gary doesn’t talk much, but he is great listener. He is always fashionable, and is on the forefront of what’s hot when it comes to clothes. (Gary’s a mannequin, but don’t say anything around him. He is very sensitive on the subject and prefers the term Plastic American) Gary has a cushy job right now where he stands in front of a motorcycle clothing store in a neighboring town. Every time I roll through I stop and say hi. Here’s an example of a conversation that we had recently.
Me: “Hey Gary, what’s happening?”
Gary: “..........”
Me: “Yeah, you’re right.”
Gary: “..........”
Me: “I can see your point, but despite the apparent job growth in the country we are still headed down the road to a service economy where jobs pay less. This, in turn, lowers the per-capita spending so that even though it looks like the economy is growing with the creation of new jobs the average American can’t afford to spend large amounts of money on tourism and luxury items. These are two of the areas where America has flourished in the past, and with the diminishment of such wonton spending, and the average Joe being more frugal so that they can afford to buy gasoline, in juxtaposition with the boundless spending of tax dollars by the government to fund wars and fences…well I see an economic reckoning coming on the horizon.”
Gary: ".........."
Me: “Well, if you want to smoke I can always drill a hole in your hand so you can hold a cigarette.”
Gary: “....................”
Me: “No! I did not call you that. I would never use the ‘m’ word.”
Gary: “......”
Me: “Yeah, I’m gonna go now. You’re acting all weird.”
(Gary refused to be photographed for this blog)
posted by Burning Stickman at 7:54 PM
3 Comments:
Capital blog stickman, and Al looks good besides being comfortable.
Hey I feel ya stickman. Mannequins come off all cool at first but one push comes to shove they can be prety rigid.
Yeah...Gary got a little moody and won't talk anymore. He just stands there and gives me that blank look like "Hey, I don't have to talk. I'm a Plastic American, and I have the right to just stand here in these fashioable cloths and stare off at something vastly more important than you."
I stopped hanging out with him, but sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and catch a quick flash of leather as the bushes outside my window move back into place.
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