Dare to Slack!
Today my co-worker, Justin, and I took part in one of America’s favorite pastimes in commemoration of the upcoming Independence Day. With the wind in our hair, rawhide and spring-steel in our resolve, and the future stretching ahead of us with limitless possibilities we set out to accomplish something great. Something glorious. Something that every American dreams about. The great thing we did was….nothing.
That’s right, we indulged in the beautiful and majestic creature that is laziness…and it was everything that we hoped it would be. We used the natural abilities of doing as little as possible that God bestows on every man and woman, and we faced every situation that arose today with a languid and lethargic attitude that only the great slackers of our generation posses and wields. I am reminded of a wise saying that I once read on a Demotivator poster. “Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won’t notice the difference until it’s too late.”
One of the first tasks that confronted us was a major mistake in the paperwork. We were faced with the possibility of having to rewrite the entire daily numbers sheet for last week, 308 cells of information that we would have to painstakingly pen by hand. We ain’t got that kind of energy, brother. So we did what any professional slacker worth his/her salt would do, we used our keen intuition and superb know-how to discover a way to alter the sheet by means of cutting and pasting portions of two different sheets. Sure it took a little longer to do the cutting and pasting and copying than it would have to rewrite the sheet, but it took half the energy. Expanding the time taken by a third versus cutting the effort in half is a fair trade in any slacker handbook (Page 75, article 385-B…not like you read it you slacker).
We were also running low (as in out) of our particular commodity (rental cars) so we spent the rest of the day just refusing people’s requests for a vehicle instead of taking the time to offer them an alternate commodity, like say…a candy bar. Now candy bars are very plentiful where I am, and it would have been no sweat to actually offer the customers a Snickers, or Kit-Kat, or (if they were adventurous) even an Almond Joy…but then we would have had to spend the time and mental energy of explaining to them why a car rental business is suddenly offering Milky Ways instead of Monte Carlo’s. Trust me, it’s just easier to tell them that we are out of cars than to offer them the goodness of chocolate, caramel, crunchy wafers…..Shit! Now I have a craving for Twix!
With the troublesome paperwork and pesky customers out of the way we were free to spend an afternoon of playing online pool and writing blogs. So, something good came out of it in the end. With the Fourth of July looming on tomorrow’s horizon, promising a needed day off, how could any self-respecting hedonist bring themselves to actually work when alternate means present themselves like a yummy, peanut coated, caramel centered Payday?
Shit! Now I have to go to the store for a candy bar.
That’s right, we indulged in the beautiful and majestic creature that is laziness…and it was everything that we hoped it would be. We used the natural abilities of doing as little as possible that God bestows on every man and woman, and we faced every situation that arose today with a languid and lethargic attitude that only the great slackers of our generation posses and wields. I am reminded of a wise saying that I once read on a Demotivator poster. “Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won’t notice the difference until it’s too late.”
One of the first tasks that confronted us was a major mistake in the paperwork. We were faced with the possibility of having to rewrite the entire daily numbers sheet for last week, 308 cells of information that we would have to painstakingly pen by hand. We ain’t got that kind of energy, brother. So we did what any professional slacker worth his/her salt would do, we used our keen intuition and superb know-how to discover a way to alter the sheet by means of cutting and pasting portions of two different sheets. Sure it took a little longer to do the cutting and pasting and copying than it would have to rewrite the sheet, but it took half the energy. Expanding the time taken by a third versus cutting the effort in half is a fair trade in any slacker handbook (Page 75, article 385-B…not like you read it you slacker).
We were also running low (as in out) of our particular commodity (rental cars) so we spent the rest of the day just refusing people’s requests for a vehicle instead of taking the time to offer them an alternate commodity, like say…a candy bar. Now candy bars are very plentiful where I am, and it would have been no sweat to actually offer the customers a Snickers, or Kit-Kat, or (if they were adventurous) even an Almond Joy…but then we would have had to spend the time and mental energy of explaining to them why a car rental business is suddenly offering Milky Ways instead of Monte Carlo’s. Trust me, it’s just easier to tell them that we are out of cars than to offer them the goodness of chocolate, caramel, crunchy wafers…..Shit! Now I have a craving for Twix!
With the troublesome paperwork and pesky customers out of the way we were free to spend an afternoon of playing online pool and writing blogs. So, something good came out of it in the end. With the Fourth of July looming on tomorrow’s horizon, promising a needed day off, how could any self-respecting hedonist bring themselves to actually work when alternate means present themselves like a yummy, peanut coated, caramel centered Payday?
Shit! Now I have to go to the store for a candy bar.
posted by Burning Stickman at 1:25 PM
1 Comments:
Happy 4th you lucky devil. Some of us have jobs that take no notice of holidays, which means that I have a fridge full of beer and I'm nowhere near it. I guess I'll have beer for breakfast when I get home in the morning.......
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