Companies that Care
I’m so glad that big companies have looking out for the health of us American here lately. It gives me a warm, snuggly feeling inside (gnawing hunger) to know that being health conscious is easier when large food conglomerates are watching our backs when it comes to the choices we make when eating. I came to this conclusion today through personal experience with a soft drink company we will refer to as Peppy.
Peppy has recently taken control of two of the machines in our break room at work and has been very aware of the needs and desires of the State workers. See, as State workers in an office we (I) spend 86% of our time sitting, and the combination of not getting enough exercise during the day and eating food from a vending machine makes a lot of us (me) feel like they are behaving in an unhealthy way at work. Using keen intuition (brain scanners in our desk lights), Peppy has sensed these worries and has sprang into action to help us make healthy decisions while in the work place. I’ll give some examples…
1) Last week I was feeling kind of tired near the end of the day and wanted a small jolt of caffeine from a soft drink so I went to our break room to grab a soda. I noticed that the drink machine, which had previously had a generic “Soda” sign slapped across it and offered both Choke and Peppy products, now had a picture of an ice cold can (you could tell by the condensation on it) and the name “Peppy” in big letters across it. My tired, information laden, caffeine deprived brain took a minute to process what had changed and then I grumbled because I prefer Choke products over Peppy products. “Well,” I thought. “Maybe I’ll have a sugar filled pastry from the vending machine instead and siphon my will to get through the rest of the day from that. I stepped to the machine beside the drink machine and quickly noticed two things…the prices had gone up on everything and a small sign beside the coin slot declared that Peppy now owned the machine (I’m sure the two couldn’t be related). So, I decided to suck it up and get a Peppy drink, but after the machine accepted my dollar it wouldn’t “vend” my drink order. I pushed every button on the machine and finally hit the one that spat my dollar back out. I then noticed the blinking message, “Please Use Exact Change.” It seemed Peppy knew that I didn’t have exact change, there-by looking out for my health and not allowing me to get a soda. I poured a glass of water instead and fell asleep at my desk 15 minutes later.
2) A few days after the soda and vending machine switch I walked into the break room to notice that we had a new vending machine across the room. I looked it over and noted that it was not owned by Peppy (or at least didn’t have a sticker on it telling me they did) and the prices were waaaaaaay cheaper than the other machine. I bought a pack of crackers from it and went back to my desk. Later in the day I once again had that tired feeling and decided to go to break room (armed with some quarters) and grab a soda. After purchasing my yellow soft drink I decided that I also wanted a snack and looked to the vending machine in front of me. 12 varieties of chips, two pastries, some bags of peanuts, and a row of gum stared back at me. Nothing looked good. I took a tentative glance over my shoulder at the machine across the room and the soft lights that seductively highlighted the bevy of low priced choices. I turned to walked across the room (adjusting my suddenly tighter pants) and realized that Peppy had once again engineered a masterful ploy to get us office workers healthy because anyone who wanted a drink and snack would be a fool to choose the machine standing right beside drink machine over the cheaper, better stocked machine across the room. Peppy has intentionally made the choices dull and the prices high to encourage us to not choose from their vending machine. Thus, we walk an extra seven steps every time we go to the break room, bringing us ever closer to the healthy daily lifestyle we all crave.
3) Today I was faced with wanting a soda in the morning to combat the effects of having a mid-week day off (my body was fooled into thinking today was Monday) and went into the break room prepared with some quarters…but alas…Peppy had outsmarted me in their attempt to keep me healthy. Knowing I would use correct change, they just shut their machine off entirely. I checked the back and it was plugged up so the only explanation is that Peppy remotely disabled it so that I could not buy a soda and ruin my future health. Coupled with the calories I burned walking to the break room in the back of our building the inability to obtain a soda has shown me that Peppy is truly a company that cares.
I have come to believe that companies like Peppy are there to serve us….a slice of love and protection. I wasn’t because the company is inept and not customer orientated that I was unable to get my soft drinks…but because Peppy was just looking out for my best interest and wanted to do their part to keep me healthy. The next time you wait 20 minutes in the drive-thru at your local fast food restaurant and then drive away in a fit of frustration ask your self this…are the workers inside really a bunch of uneducated, careless morons, or are they a group of caring individuals who love you and would rather see you drive off in hatred than have you risk your health with their food?
Arby's and KFC must love us very much.
Peppy has recently taken control of two of the machines in our break room at work and has been very aware of the needs and desires of the State workers. See, as State workers in an office we (I) spend 86% of our time sitting, and the combination of not getting enough exercise during the day and eating food from a vending machine makes a lot of us (me) feel like they are behaving in an unhealthy way at work. Using keen intuition (brain scanners in our desk lights), Peppy has sensed these worries and has sprang into action to help us make healthy decisions while in the work place. I’ll give some examples…
1) Last week I was feeling kind of tired near the end of the day and wanted a small jolt of caffeine from a soft drink so I went to our break room to grab a soda. I noticed that the drink machine, which had previously had a generic “Soda” sign slapped across it and offered both Choke and Peppy products, now had a picture of an ice cold can (you could tell by the condensation on it) and the name “Peppy” in big letters across it. My tired, information laden, caffeine deprived brain took a minute to process what had changed and then I grumbled because I prefer Choke products over Peppy products. “Well,” I thought. “Maybe I’ll have a sugar filled pastry from the vending machine instead and siphon my will to get through the rest of the day from that. I stepped to the machine beside the drink machine and quickly noticed two things…the prices had gone up on everything and a small sign beside the coin slot declared that Peppy now owned the machine (I’m sure the two couldn’t be related). So, I decided to suck it up and get a Peppy drink, but after the machine accepted my dollar it wouldn’t “vend” my drink order. I pushed every button on the machine and finally hit the one that spat my dollar back out. I then noticed the blinking message, “Please Use Exact Change.” It seemed Peppy knew that I didn’t have exact change, there-by looking out for my health and not allowing me to get a soda. I poured a glass of water instead and fell asleep at my desk 15 minutes later.
2) A few days after the soda and vending machine switch I walked into the break room to notice that we had a new vending machine across the room. I looked it over and noted that it was not owned by Peppy (or at least didn’t have a sticker on it telling me they did) and the prices were waaaaaaay cheaper than the other machine. I bought a pack of crackers from it and went back to my desk. Later in the day I once again had that tired feeling and decided to go to break room (armed with some quarters) and grab a soda. After purchasing my yellow soft drink I decided that I also wanted a snack and looked to the vending machine in front of me. 12 varieties of chips, two pastries, some bags of peanuts, and a row of gum stared back at me. Nothing looked good. I took a tentative glance over my shoulder at the machine across the room and the soft lights that seductively highlighted the bevy of low priced choices. I turned to walked across the room (adjusting my suddenly tighter pants) and realized that Peppy had once again engineered a masterful ploy to get us office workers healthy because anyone who wanted a drink and snack would be a fool to choose the machine standing right beside drink machine over the cheaper, better stocked machine across the room. Peppy has intentionally made the choices dull and the prices high to encourage us to not choose from their vending machine. Thus, we walk an extra seven steps every time we go to the break room, bringing us ever closer to the healthy daily lifestyle we all crave.
3) Today I was faced with wanting a soda in the morning to combat the effects of having a mid-week day off (my body was fooled into thinking today was Monday) and went into the break room prepared with some quarters…but alas…Peppy had outsmarted me in their attempt to keep me healthy. Knowing I would use correct change, they just shut their machine off entirely. I checked the back and it was plugged up so the only explanation is that Peppy remotely disabled it so that I could not buy a soda and ruin my future health. Coupled with the calories I burned walking to the break room in the back of our building the inability to obtain a soda has shown me that Peppy is truly a company that cares.
I have come to believe that companies like Peppy are there to serve us….a slice of love and protection. I wasn’t because the company is inept and not customer orientated that I was unable to get my soft drinks…but because Peppy was just looking out for my best interest and wanted to do their part to keep me healthy. The next time you wait 20 minutes in the drive-thru at your local fast food restaurant and then drive away in a fit of frustration ask your self this…are the workers inside really a bunch of uneducated, careless morons, or are they a group of caring individuals who love you and would rather see you drive off in hatred than have you risk your health with their food?
Arby's and KFC must love us very much.
posted by Burning Stickman at 9:32 AM
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