Guns Ablazin'
I’m gonna make it a landmark year for Burning Stickman by weighing in on not one…but two hot issues in America. I know that you are used to me discussing such important topics as mutant squirrels on the golf course, energy drinks, and tattoos, but for some reason I have felt an urge to tackle more important topics (it’s either my friend Rob’s comment about how he believes that I could write better stuff or all the B vitamins that I am currently taking). With the Supreme Court making a very influential ruling in D.C. this year and a controversial law passing in Georgia this week I have decided to discuss the issue of guns and gun control.
Gun policy is a very tough issue to discuss rationally in the United States. With zealots on both sides we sometimes find it hard to plow that middle ground to look for the answers. Far to one side you have the Gun Zealots: people who not only want to own guns but want no restrictions whatsoever on what they can do. Most of these people belong to the NRA. Far on the other side you have the No-Gun Zealots: People who don’t even want police to have guns, let alone pedestrians. These are the people who don’t believe in war and wear shirts with slogans like “Uzis Are For Floozies.” Then there are people like myself who believe in both the right to own and carry guns and also in gun control and the laws that help to police what we do with guns. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my friend Dave (who is a closet Republican and very right wing) on this subject when we were working together and have realized that I am considered by both sides of zealots to be the worst kind of person…the free-thinker who aligns himself with neither side and has problems with both. So, to make it an even race, I am going to play devil’s advocate and explore often heard arguments from both sides of the issue.
Gun Zealots: “We have the right to protect ourselves!”
I agree. Everyone has a right to protect themselves and their loved one. What does this have to do with carrying concealed weapons? Do you really believe that having a gun strapped to your side or in your purse at a crowded restaurant is going to solve anything should an emergency happen? Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like a bank/store robbery or being held hostage) that the person who freaks and pulls out their concealed gun usually ends up the dead one. Protecting yourself in your home is one thing…trying to be a police officer will only get you deeper into shit. You’ll see what I mean when someone gets sued for shooting a bystander or a kid with a toy gun.
Anti-Gun Zealots: “Guns kill innocent bystanders!”
I’m gonna fall back on a cliché here…guns don’t kill people, people kill do. Guns are just a tool, like a hammer or a shovel, and it is the people who wield those tools who are the killers. Hammers and shovels have also been used to kill people in the past…do we start digging with our hands and pounding nails with our foreheads? Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like rescuing a hostage from drug lords or a zombie uprising) that the person who stays calm and uses their gun effectively can save lives. As long as there are laws in place to keep ordinary Joes with guns from bringing them to possibly stressful situations (like a bar where a drunken fight over a girl can erupt or a mass transit system like a bus or subway where people are just generally pissed all the time) then owning a gun and carrying a gun is marginally safe.
Gun Zealot: “2nd Amendment says I can have guns!”
No it doesn’t. It says you have the right to keep and bear arms, it says nothing about guns.( “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”) I don’t have time to get into the argument here about what Madison meant when he wrote the Amendment, I just know that it says nothing about guns…although that was surely the implied intent. It also says nothing to insure the right to carry concealed weapons in public. The main thing that I get tired of is gun advocates continually spouting the 2nd Amendment like a mantra and never actually producing new ideas or arguments to support their claim to have guns. Just because you can say the words “second amendment” does not make a point for you. Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like a two hour car ride with your slightly balding, shit-for-brains co-worker who dips) where a subject like gun control is discussed, the guy who keeps spouting “2nd Amendment” as their defense usually loses the argument (or gets tossed from a moving vehicle down a back road in Palmersville).
Anti-Gun Zealot: “Guns are dangerous and can go off anytime and hurt an innocent person!”
I love this one. The old notion that guns have a will and a consciousness of their own. Once again I must bring out the cliché…guns don’t kill people, Robert Blake does. A gun is an inanimate object, a tool, that does nothing unless it is…wait for it…here it comes…used. A gun doesn’t go off by itself just sitting in a closet, there has to be some outside force acting on it (like someone picking it up and firing it). Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that most accidental shootings are actually on purpose (“I didn’t mean to shoot my bitch of a wife, the gun went off while I was cleaning it”), and that even if it is an accident there is still usually human involvement (i.e. cleaning a gun, looking at a gun, playing with a gun).
If movies and television have taught us anything it’s that guns are great for being trapped in the Nakatomi Plaza or for a mass zombie attack, but not so great to take to a bar or on subway. If you want the privilege of taking a gun everywhere you go then become a law enforcement person. Don’t think that a two day class and a test puts you on the same level as a police officer who has gone through months of training (mentally and physically) just because you get a piece of paper at the end of the weekend saying “concealed weapon permit.” If you want to be able to protect yourself and others in public settings then take a martial arts course. If you do carry a gun into public then please use tact and intelligence as your guides. Don’t be the guy who pulls his piece to show off in a crowded bank. And please, please, please stop quoting the 2nd Amendment around me unless you are ready to engage yourself in an intelligent discussion complete with full ideas and examples. And remember, guns are just lifeless objects (unless a voodoo priestess imbues one with an evil spirit). It takes a person to pick up a gun and use it against someone else in either malice or self defense, and it takes human interaction to cause gun related accidents as well. Don’t bitch about guns, bitch about the people who don’t know how to use guns responsibly. Gun laws are not there to limit the freedoms of responsible people, they are put into place to limit the interaction of stupid people with guns and the public. Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that there is always at least one set of drunks arguing in a bar, so next time you are complaining about not being able to bring your gun into a restaurant or bar look over at those guys across the room and be thankful that they weren’t able to bring one as well.
Gun policy is a very tough issue to discuss rationally in the United States. With zealots on both sides we sometimes find it hard to plow that middle ground to look for the answers. Far to one side you have the Gun Zealots: people who not only want to own guns but want no restrictions whatsoever on what they can do. Most of these people belong to the NRA. Far on the other side you have the No-Gun Zealots: People who don’t even want police to have guns, let alone pedestrians. These are the people who don’t believe in war and wear shirts with slogans like “Uzis Are For Floozies.” Then there are people like myself who believe in both the right to own and carry guns and also in gun control and the laws that help to police what we do with guns. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my friend Dave (who is a closet Republican and very right wing) on this subject when we were working together and have realized that I am considered by both sides of zealots to be the worst kind of person…the free-thinker who aligns himself with neither side and has problems with both. So, to make it an even race, I am going to play devil’s advocate and explore often heard arguments from both sides of the issue.
Gun Zealots: “We have the right to protect ourselves!”
I agree. Everyone has a right to protect themselves and their loved one. What does this have to do with carrying concealed weapons? Do you really believe that having a gun strapped to your side or in your purse at a crowded restaurant is going to solve anything should an emergency happen? Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like a bank/store robbery or being held hostage) that the person who freaks and pulls out their concealed gun usually ends up the dead one. Protecting yourself in your home is one thing…trying to be a police officer will only get you deeper into shit. You’ll see what I mean when someone gets sued for shooting a bystander or a kid with a toy gun.
Anti-Gun Zealots: “Guns kill innocent bystanders!”
I’m gonna fall back on a cliché here…guns don’t kill people, people kill do. Guns are just a tool, like a hammer or a shovel, and it is the people who wield those tools who are the killers. Hammers and shovels have also been used to kill people in the past…do we start digging with our hands and pounding nails with our foreheads? Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like rescuing a hostage from drug lords or a zombie uprising) that the person who stays calm and uses their gun effectively can save lives. As long as there are laws in place to keep ordinary Joes with guns from bringing them to possibly stressful situations (like a bar where a drunken fight over a girl can erupt or a mass transit system like a bus or subway where people are just generally pissed all the time) then owning a gun and carrying a gun is marginally safe.
Gun Zealot: “2nd Amendment says I can have guns!”
No it doesn’t. It says you have the right to keep and bear arms, it says nothing about guns.( “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”) I don’t have time to get into the argument here about what Madison meant when he wrote the Amendment, I just know that it says nothing about guns…although that was surely the implied intent. It also says nothing to insure the right to carry concealed weapons in public. The main thing that I get tired of is gun advocates continually spouting the 2nd Amendment like a mantra and never actually producing new ideas or arguments to support their claim to have guns. Just because you can say the words “second amendment” does not make a point for you. Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that when a situation arises (like a two hour car ride with your slightly balding, shit-for-brains co-worker who dips) where a subject like gun control is discussed, the guy who keeps spouting “2nd Amendment” as their defense usually loses the argument (or gets tossed from a moving vehicle down a back road in Palmersville).
Anti-Gun Zealot: “Guns are dangerous and can go off anytime and hurt an innocent person!”
I love this one. The old notion that guns have a will and a consciousness of their own. Once again I must bring out the cliché…guns don’t kill people, Robert Blake does. A gun is an inanimate object, a tool, that does nothing unless it is…wait for it…here it comes…used. A gun doesn’t go off by itself just sitting in a closet, there has to be some outside force acting on it (like someone picking it up and firing it). Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that most accidental shootings are actually on purpose (“I didn’t mean to shoot my bitch of a wife, the gun went off while I was cleaning it”), and that even if it is an accident there is still usually human involvement (i.e. cleaning a gun, looking at a gun, playing with a gun).
If movies and television have taught us anything it’s that guns are great for being trapped in the Nakatomi Plaza or for a mass zombie attack, but not so great to take to a bar or on subway. If you want the privilege of taking a gun everywhere you go then become a law enforcement person. Don’t think that a two day class and a test puts you on the same level as a police officer who has gone through months of training (mentally and physically) just because you get a piece of paper at the end of the weekend saying “concealed weapon permit.” If you want to be able to protect yourself and others in public settings then take a martial arts course. If you do carry a gun into public then please use tact and intelligence as your guides. Don’t be the guy who pulls his piece to show off in a crowded bank. And please, please, please stop quoting the 2nd Amendment around me unless you are ready to engage yourself in an intelligent discussion complete with full ideas and examples. And remember, guns are just lifeless objects (unless a voodoo priestess imbues one with an evil spirit). It takes a person to pick up a gun and use it against someone else in either malice or self defense, and it takes human interaction to cause gun related accidents as well. Don’t bitch about guns, bitch about the people who don’t know how to use guns responsibly. Gun laws are not there to limit the freedoms of responsible people, they are put into place to limit the interaction of stupid people with guns and the public. Numerous television and movie scenarios have taught us that there is always at least one set of drunks arguing in a bar, so next time you are complaining about not being able to bring your gun into a restaurant or bar look over at those guys across the room and be thankful that they weren’t able to bring one as well.
posted by Burning Stickman at 9:14 AM
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