Bobs…Unite!

So there’s this thing I have with people named Bob.

Let me first start off with a disclaimer. The following statement is a personal opinion and is not to be taken as anything but as such. Furthermore, this statement is also not a personal attack on anyone specific. So if there are any Bob’s out there who take offense…bite fudge. It’s not an attack on you. It’s a personal opinion. If I don’t know you then I can’t make fun of you. So get over it.

With that said…I find that most Bobs are dicks. I don’t mean that in a universal sense, but most of the men that I have met that are named Bob have turned out to be assholes of the highest order. And it’s not the name Robert either. I have know plenty of Roberts. My father’s first name is Robert, but he refuses to go by Bob or even Bobby. He uses his middle name, Danny, most of the time. My best friend Rob…well you can guess. But he also refuses to wear the nameplate of Bob. I have other friends; Chuck, who’s middle name is Robert, and Denny, who’s first name is Robert, and both refuse to be associated with the name Bob.

On the other hand…I have known plenty of guys who were named Bob who wore the mantle proudly and lived up to my expectations. I used to work for a guy named Bob and he was the biggest dick imaginable. He owned a restaurant and used it as his own personal playground. As a boss he was a dick, and as just a person to talk to over a couple of drinks…he was an asshole. I also knew a couple of guys in college who were named Bob, and who beat their chests and proclaimed their Bobhood for anyone to hear. In other words they were dicks to most everyone.

My friend John and I have talked about this a lot and he has also come across the Bob phenomenon in his travels. He has related several Bob stories to me that have always ended in the fact that the Bob of the story was a douche bag.

Once again, I’m not saying that all Bobs suck. Just the ones that I have known personally and the ones that I have heard stories about. This is why I have designated that all the assholes and dicks and stupid people in my future blogs will be referred to as Bob. This is a good way to keep anonymity and not point fingers at anyone in particular.

So if you are a Bob and you happen to see your name come up several times, don’t take it personally. It’s not personal. I have to use someone’s name to localize all the shitheads in my stories…Bob is just as good as any of them.