Hey…Look at That Nifty Soapbox There!

I turned on the television the other night and happened to catch Law and Order. I quickly turned the channel and found myself watching a different episode of Law and Order. But, using my mongoose-like reflexes, I once again averted disaster by hitting the small down arrow on the remote and flipped the channel to an excellent show that…

Wait a minute….it’s Law and Order again. What the fuck?

After hitting the up arrow twice, the down arrow once, the up arrow once, and the down arrow twice I convinced myself that I wasn’t finally getting the last sandwich to finish off the picnic (one sandwich short of a….you get it). I wasn’t going shithouse, Law and Order was really on three different channels at once. So instead of shows competing with other shows to grab viewers’ attentions, Law and Order was competing with itself? Maybe the executives at the networks had all taken long lunches and forgot to tell the programmers what to show. Thus they just found the show that they had the most of and put it on. If this is true then every station is letting their executives take long lunches. Maybe they’re all having lunch together. In Bermuda. With the money they are all saving by playing Law and Order reruns instead of inventing new shows.

If Comedy Central starts playing Law and Order then I’m just permanently checking out.

“So where’s the dilemma?” some might say. “Law and Order’s a good show,” others might inform. “Repedly waching one show don’t numb the brian. We can thank just fine with no added stam…stim…stimu…stimulu….(breathing heavy with exertion). You could always watch Seinfeld.”

This is the part where newly uprooted clumps of my hair fall from my fingertips and I run away screaming. We’ve gotten used to comfort. I don’t knock watching old favorites and enjoying them, but when I catch the same two shows on six different networks I know that America had become too lazy to get interested in something new. It takes too much energy and brainpower to try and catch the plots of new programs, when we could just watch the same stuff and not have to exert the effort of getting interested. This is where reality T.V. comes in.

Reality T.V. is like the McDonalds of television. These are shows where we just turn on anywhere in the program and feel like we haven’t missed a thing. Not like having to keep up with plots or anything. That’s just too hard. Give us the hardships of celebrities, at least then we can feel good that Jessica Simpson actually takes shits like a human. (I always thought that she was an android. Who knew?)

So after these, and other, insights I used my super powers of button pushing to push the power button. Then I picked up my book. That I’ve read four times. So, I’m a hypocrite. Sue me.