Extra, Extra...Vote Stickman in 2008

So, Burning Stickman has decided to throw his hat in the ring for the 2008 presidential election. This was a controversial move in many people’s eyes, both in the political circles and in the nation at large. “A stickman for president?” many asked. “Is that even legal?” Well…maybe not, but he is running none the less. An early start is what Stickman is hoping for, gaining momentum as the time of election comes closer.

We caught up with an important political figure on Capitol Hill and asked him what he thought of Burning Stickman’s decision to run for president. What follows is an account of that interview.

Important Political Figure: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Reporter: “Burning Stickman…you know that guy from the website.”
Important Political Figure: “No, I have no idea of what you’re talking about.”
Reporter: “Okay, you can be coy if you wish, but are you sure that you’re not just feigning ignorance as a defensive measure because you are scared of the influence and popularity of Burning Stickman?”
Important Political Figure: “No, I’m not feigning ignorance, nor am I afraid of a stickman.”
Reporter: “Even one that’s in a constant state of incineration?”
Important Political Figure: “Not even one that’s on fire.”
Reporter: “So the ignorance is not an act?”
Important Political Figure: “Of course not. It’s…..what!? Hey! Stop running away and give me that tape you little punk.”
*Feet pounding the pavement in pursuit.
*Muffled struggle.
*Cursing.

This concluded the interview. After a brief sojourn in the local medical facilities the reporter was back on the road and hard at work. After searching out many leads, and walking through a few cornfields, the reporter finally located the whereabouts of Burning Stickman in Tennessee and used his powers of persuasion to gain an interview.

Reporter: “I was wondering if I could get an interview with Burning Stickman?”
Writer of this Blog: “Sure.”

After donning an asbestos suit and signing many waivers the reporter was allowed to talk to the newest presidential candidate.

Reporter: “So Mr. Stickman, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your political views and what you stand for?”
Burning Stickman: “AAARRRRRRRRGG!”
Reporter: “Okay, let’s begin. Are you a d Democrat or a Republican?”
Burning Stickman: “AAARRRRRRRRGG!”
Reporter: “Independent, huh? That’s a bold stance in this day in age when it seems that current politics only supports a two party system. So, what are your views on the abortion issue?”
Burning Stickman: “AAARRRRRRRRGG!”
Reporter: “Interesting. So what about the economic issues? What would you do to bolster local economy and help the nation out of the fiscal hole that the current administration seems to be digging for the nation on a daily basis?”
Burning Stickman: “AARRG! AAARRRRRRRRGG!”
Reporter: “That plan seems just crazy enough to work, but there a lot of large companies who aren’t going to like what you have planned. It seems that you are for the people. If elected what would you do about the supposed war on terror and how would you address the troops currently scattered around the globe?”
Burning Stickman: “AAARRRRG! ARRRRG! AAAAAAAAAAAARRG! AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGG! AARG! ARG! AAAARRRRGG! AAAA! AAARRRG!”
Reporter: “Wow. I’m Speechless. That was the most coherent, and plausible answer I have ever heard come out of the mouth of a potential candidate for the presidency. Your stances on these current issues are so powerful and well thought out that I can’t see any other way to vote that for you. You may just be the savior of our country. I wish you luck.
Burning Stickman: “AAARRRRRRRRGG!”
Reporter: “No, the pleasure was all mine. It feels good to stand ten feet away from such a patriotic American as yourself. Thank you, sir.”

So there you have it. The choice in 2008 is clear. With his views on such current hot topics as the war in Iraq and the abortion issue explained so plainly it would seem that Burning Stickman is a shoe-in for the next presidential spot.